We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
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