we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
