is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
