Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
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