She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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