Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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