Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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