he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
