they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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