this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
