His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
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When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
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Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
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