I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
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