Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
