Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
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