he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
