Non-Jews are for practice
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
