We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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