HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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