I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
