I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
