I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Randomize
