why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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