So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
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