I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
