Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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