in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
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