Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Randomize
