So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Randomize
