I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
