Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
