We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Randomize
