pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
