Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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