You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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