I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
Your message has been received by an unknown user. Picture verification required.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
