i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
