She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
