just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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