omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Randomize