well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
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