So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
