I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
