A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
