i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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