DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
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