So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
