He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
