Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
