His pubic hair was longer than his dick
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
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My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
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So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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