My room smells like vodka and shame
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
These tits shall not be calmed
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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