so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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