lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
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