i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
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You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
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Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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