i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
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