Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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