So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
