So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
