i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
third nipple confirmed
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
