I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Randomize
