And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
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