I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
