so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
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Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
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Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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