Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
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