I wish my penis had an off switch
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
