Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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