Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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